Winesburg, Ohio + stuff

As I go on reading in Winesburg, Ohio, I am thinking to myself "Why?" Mrs. Clinch said, "I never assign books that I love. The students will tear it apart until there is nothing left." I see now that she was referring to students such as me. She says that this book is her child, and she cannot bear anyone being its vampire, slurping the life out of it until it is cold and dry: dead.
Before I began reading, my mind ran with doubtful thoughts. Physically, the novel seemed no thicker than a children’s book. I could trash the packet without a second thought. Visually, the novel did not seem complex from the amateur-looking crayon sketch. Could this truly be Mrs. Clinch’s favorite novel? What makes it seem so special? As I soon found out, the novel proved my dubious thoughts incorrect.
I read the first chapter. Indeed, Mrs. Clinch understands her methods of teaching. Despite all my judgmental insults, I could not help but glue my eyes to the pages. Due to our recent summer reading, How to Read Literature like a Professor, I can explore things that I could never fantasize. How could this be? Did I really learn something from an assignment that I hated? I continue to read. I try to hate it, but I cannot.
The first chapter sketches a scene in my mind. An old man can only relax in his bed and feels youngest (happiest) when he is lying in it. This one chapter relates to me to such a personal and microscopic level that none could fathom. Don’t worry. I am not talking about my bed. In my heart, I wish I were this old man. Although my bones would probably be grinding and my muscles twisted up like a twizzler, I actually think it would be worth it. Do not ask me why, but I yearn to be in a state of relaxation, a state of mirth, for I have never felt it. My heart has always been weighed down with responsibility or stained with guilt. With my heart hiding in the dark, I cannot alleviate myself of any burdens because I am walking blind; I cannot see the stains and dirt that I am covered in.
Unfortunately, I have to go off topic for this is not the place for me to empty my heart. This past week, I jumped with glee because I finished my “books on file” project. Even though I initially thought it was a waste of time, I try to say to myself, “It is for the best.” Remember where this semi-quote came from? (Candide) I realize that these projects will aid me on my AP exam and hopefully gift me with a “5.” Truthfully, I question myself if I can even pass this exam. So far with what my grades have shown, I feel as it is almost hopeless. I have never taken a class so difficult, yet so exhilarating. More difficult than BC Calculus, yet more musical than band. This class presents a lot of mysterious outcomes, and I pray that I reach my land of “milk and honey.”